by Jenna Shirely Scoresby

Rexburbia Writer

The annual Pinewood Derby is that unique time where the Cub Scout motto is pushed aside and cheating takes precedence.  It’s true; everyone knows it.  There are some well-known rules that are always ummm, overlooked.

The ignored rule most obvious to participants and spectators is that implication that the kid built the car.  Who is pinewood derby for anyways:  Cub Scouts or Dads?  Unequivocally, dads.   The final result, the workmanship of the vehicle, is a showcase of dads’ creativity, talents, and egos.  Not the kid in the uniform.

We’ve all seen the pimped-out Batmobiles and Corvette Stingrays at weigh-in, steered by cocky lego people wearing sunglasses.  We all know that kid was not allowed near his block of pinewood.  But we let it go because we know the dads of those cars are feisty and we don’t want to get them angry before competing against them.  We let it go in the spirit of good sportsmanship.  We let it go because we know our kid didn’t really build his either.  But we did better at making it look like our kid did it- by making it not as elaborate.

For example, last year my husband got our Bear Cub to agree that a bus would be a cool derby design.  He took it out of the box, painted it yellow, and added wheels.  We have another one coming up this weekend, and he has tried to convince our son to get The Bus gaffed and groomed for a comeback.  My son wasn’t thrilled.  It had a good run last year, but it’s career on the track is over.  This year he wants his block to look like a missile.  His dad has four days to finish it -and start it.  The Bus might actually be forced out of retirement.

Really, has anybody really seen any situation where the Cub Scout did all the work himself?  Or any of the work even- I mean, besides maybe helping decide on the design, spending a few seconds dabbing it with sandpaper and okaying paint color?

I asked some friends this very question and was surprised to hear of a friend who actually let his son make his own car.  This may be the only little boy in Pinewood History that made it himself.  They gave him little saws and he whittly-whittled away and sanded and painted and it was definitively ugly but he was proud of it.  His mom said, “He was the only kid that did it himself.  I thought that was the point.  Not to see who the most awesome dad car maker is.  That is like doing your whole kids science project for the science fair and they don’t even know what their topic was when they show up with it.”  A unique opinion indeed.  I was very impressed.

A second rule that exists in theory: No graphite.  This rule is respected a little more, but each pack has seen violations.  Everyone knows graphite is pinewood steroids.  A friend who wishes to remain anonymous, due to the sensitive nature of his story, shares the following anecdote:

“At my first pinewood derby my car was really slow.  The car I was racing against crossed the finish line before I was halfway down the track.   There were a few design flaws and one of the wheels wasn’t even touching the track.  I started crying and was pretty upset.  Another dad pulled my dad aside and said he had a secret weapon: graphite.  They applied this and sure enough, I started winning and took second place.  Later my dad felt bad about this deception and came to my Sunday School class and apologized for cheating.”

It’s hard to say how many other dads feel guilt about this rule violation, since it’s a violation that we all pretend never happens.  Collecting that data would be too difficult and would, most likely, since it pertains to Pinewood Derby, be a little deceptive.  Certainly we can look past these indiscretions.  After all the parents committing them at least are involved in their son’s activities.

Here are a few more stories I got from a facebook shout-out.  Feel free to add your own worst/best derby stories.  I was hoping to get reports on fist-fighting fathers or arguments over race results, but was unable to get any dirt.  If the worst things that happen are dads making the cars instead of kids and using graphite then I guess the event doesn’t deserve a bad rap after all.

From MLR:  We were getting ready to leave for the Pinewood Derby and the paint on the car wasn’t dry.  I turned on the oven and set the car in to help.  After a few minutes the paint started to bubble and run.  I felt so bad.  My son started crying, but there was no time to fix it.

From BFS:  Once my car didn’t weigh enough so my dad ducktaped his set of keys around my car to give it some weight.

From DM: A friend of mine glued tinfoil to the block of wood and put wheels on it.  Ugly, but it did pretty good in the races.

Well, wish us luck at the races this Saturday.  If time runs out, we really may try aluminum foil.